The Jiujiteira Sisterhood

by Samantha Schell

When you find a sister in someone who is not blood, cherish her. I have never found a sisterhood remotely as nourishing and as fostering as the women I have befriended in my years of doing Jiu-Jitsu. Sure, I had close friends in my adolescent years, tight-knit groups throughout my formative school and college years, and some camaraderies I reflect back upon with fondness in my heart. Nothing compares to the absolute strength in the bonds I have formulated with my fellow women in this sport.

I am incredibly lucky to have quite the large group of ladies who train at my home gym, but my friendships in the sport extend far beyond the four walls I frequent daily. Over the course of more than 11 years, I have traveled far and wide in my competitions and training and have met an ample number of female jiujiteiras. Many of these jiujiteiras I have competed against in various tournaments or just shared the mats with during cross-training sessions. It’s incredible the type of bonds you can form when you share blood, sweat, and tears together during arduous and exhausting feats of physical prowess.

Back when I first started Jiu-Jitsu, it was much rarer to have female training partners, and many times you would be the sole woman at your own gym. More often than not, the first time you would actually come face to face with another woman on the mats was during a competition. Then, over the years, the sport grew, and with that came many more opportunities to train with other ladies across various gyms and training facilities.

I have been to many female-centric training sessions; whether it was a women’s seminar or an all-women’s Open Mat. I have met many of my now closest friends by participating in a number of these events. I can’t even tell you how much it heals your soul to be surrounded by such strong and supportive like-minded individuals. If I open up my phone right now, I have a multitude of group chats across various platforms that are all with different clusters of ladies in Jiu-Jitsu. It nourishes the mind, body, and spirit.

When I am facing some of life’s struggles, I turn to my girls. When I need words of encouragement, I turn to my girls. When I am celebrating reaching a new milestone, I turn to my girls. When sometimes I just need a laugh, or a cry, or a vent, or a meme, I turn to my girls. The core groups I have now formulated or been lucky enough to be a part of are something I didn’t even know I so desperately craved until it was solidified into existence. Women are truly incredible.

Perhaps I, like so many others, had been jaded by the animosity and jealousy plaguing my female friendship groups in my younger years. The cattiness, isolation, favoritism, and downright mean-girl behavior became so synonymous with female friendships that I was often leery of becoming vulnerable to making friends yet again. Even after letting my guard down several years ago, only to be smacked dead on with some backstabbing betrayal, made it feel like female friendships just weren’t in the cards for me. I have never been so happy to be wrong in all of my life.

Back when I first started Jiu-Jitsu, it was much rarer to have female training partners, and many times you would be the sole woman at your own gym.

After this most recent trip to Las Vegas to compete and coach in Master’s Worlds, I can’t even begin to express what it meant to be among so many resilient and strong women who persevered against all odds. Or even to have those same women in your corner when things did not go as anticipated. In a world that always tries to pit women against one another and makes it seem like there isn’t room for more than one woman at the top, I have met and embraced the women who welcome more of us to eat at their same table.

Not everything is a dog-eat-dog part of the world, and these sisterhoods have shown me that life can be so wonderful when you open up to let people in. People who bring out the best in you, share in your joy and triumphs, and comfort you in your failures and plateaus. Beautiful and courageous women who would sacrifice so much to help ensure your well-being and who come together to be the village you sought out in your times of need.

None of this would even be remotely possible if it wasn’t for Jiu-Jitsu. Just another great thing in my life I owe to this sport. I wish I could better put into words the gratitude I have for all the great Jiu-Jitsu women in my life I am lucky enough to call my friends. The pull I feel to this particular type of sisterhood is one that triumphs over many aspects of my life and a big part of loving this sport so much. I look forward to training with them and spending time with them and always offer up my home (and my cooking) to any of my out-of-town jiujiteiras looking for a place to stay when traveling for tournaments or seminars.

When I am facing some of life’s struggles, I turn to my girls. When I need words of encouragement, I turn to my girls. When I am celebrating reaching a new milestone, I turn to my girls. When sometimes I just need a laugh, or a cry, or a vent, or a meme, I turn to my girls.

If you are also fortunate to find and maintain those sisters, please cherish them. There are so many catastrophic events in the world and sadness in this life that it is important to celebrate the people with us who truly make life worth living. My Jiu-Jitsu sisters have brought me sunshine in my darkest days, happiness in my deepest sorrows, and solace when I needed it the most. The jiujiteira sisterhood is one I will treasure until the ends of time.

Samantha Schell

The “Wolf Queen” is a BJJ black belt under team Rubao Carioca at Schell Shock BJJ in Fuquay Varina, NC. She’s a professional atomweight MMA figher and writes a weekly blog: WolfQueenMMA.com. In her spare time she enjoys cooking and baking. Reach her via DM on Instagram: @wolfqueenmma