Right of Refusal

by Samantha Schell

As women in a male-dominated sport, many will seek out the advice and knowledge and wisdom from online social media groups where a sense of camaraderie has been established. One of the biggest and most crucial pieces of advice I have seen thrown around is the right to deny or withdraw from a roll with a person at the gym for any particular person. As Jiu Jiteiras, we understand that not every grappling partner has our best interest at heart and safety in mind, and it is often up to us to set boundaries to ensure the sanctity and preservation of our bodies and mind.

Now, what exactly does this all entail you may ask? While I do think it’s very important to roll with people of various skills, different strengths and weaknesses, a wide array of body types, and so on and so forth, I am also a big believer in doing the right things conducive to your training. There are some people that are strictly hobbyists, and have to return to their scheduled 9-5 on a Monday. Why should the local dentist risk their limbs by going with the forceful 250 lb blue belt that does nothing but put his entire body weight on your forearms in order to wrist lock you? Not worth it.

However, if you are training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for self-defense purposes, you would 100% be doing yourself a disservice to only train with the smaller females. Not saying every roll has to test you to your limits, but sometimes the bigger and newer white belts will present you with the most accurate gauge of your self defense abilities. After all, when it comes to the streets, you don’t get to choose your attacker.

As always, there are exceptions to all of these rules, and this does not mean you should always jump the gun on refusing to roll, although you always do have that right. What I mean by that, is if you feel comfortable, let your training partner know if there is a size disparity or they possess a strength advantage that they don’t realize when they have the potential to truly hurt someone, no matter how innocent their intentions. Sometimes, it’s even beneficial to talk to one of the leaders or instructors in your gym if there is a particular person you are hesitant to roll with out of fear of aggression or injury.

I will also strongly advise to seek out training elsewhere if the instructors and professors do not vet out their students and grapple with those equally and accordingly. I see posts fairly frequently about wives and girlfriends not understanding their partner’s sport and therefore forbidding them from rolling with someone of the opposite sex. I am not talking about those who can’t because of their religion, and as students, it is their prerogative to abide by their religious doctrine. But, if you are a paying student, i.e. a customer of the business, it would be unfair to not receive equal treatment if your finances are equally accepted.

“If you are training Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for self-defense purposes, you would 100% be doing yourself a disservice to only train with the smaller females.”
Samantha Schell

For an owner or an instructor not to roll with a student based on sex, they are basically stating that they will accept their money, but not their gender. That is not right. You can’t be fairly evaluated by those in position to promote you or properly instruct you when it comes to competition if they themselves won’t provide the chance to grapple together to fairly access your standings or help to pinpoint any deficits in your game. Sure, there is much you can witness from observing, but there is a whole slew of information you won’t ever receive without the full interaction. You’re worth more as a student and as a person than just to be an ignored paycheck.

When you are one of the fortunate people to find a gym that you truly love like a family, where you feel valued and respected and safe, treasure it. It truly hurts my heart to read about some of these stories where someone not only feels like an asset at their academy, but also undervalued or possibly at risk of injury or fear of retaliation. Instructors and leaders establish the environment from the get go, and it trickles from the top down. If you are at a place where you can’t express your concerns to those who should have their student’s safety and best interest at the forefront, seek training elsewhere at a gym that does.

It is important to remain healthy and safe to continue your training. Some students do not yet understand the body mechanics involved in grappling, and don’t have a grasp on the control they need to exert to not injure their training partners. You have the right to bow out of those exchanges, and hopefully be able to convey to the coaches and professors your concerns as well. As always, stay happy, stay healthy, and keep pushing forward.

Samantha Schell

The “Wolf Queen” is a BJJ black belt under team Rubao Carioca at Schell Shock BJJ in Fuquay Varina, NC. She’s a professional atomweight MMA figher and writes a weekly blog: WolfQueenMMA.com. In her spare time she enjoys cooking and baking. Reach her via DM on Instagram: @wolfqueenmma