You Look Like a Man

by Samantha Seff

For centuries, society has delegated gender norms on what is typically associated across the sexes when it comes to stereotypical appearances, hobbies, personality traits, and physical attributes. As the world continues to grow and sexuality is viewed more as an overall spectrum versus a clear and concise line drawn in the sand, we begin to change the definition of what society dictates how we should be. The more our population expands in numbers, the greater the amount of people that exist that don’t fit inside of a tidy little box, and the more we learn about what makes humankind so great.

Odd that we are the only species to ever define gender roles; when it comes to lions, for example, the female primarily adopts the hunting aspect and provides the meat for her family to consume. But no one in the world would deem the male lion as “weak” and less of a provider and would undoubtedly be quaking where they stood should they be confronted with such a ferocious-statured beast. Likewise, no one would dare to think of a lioness as anything but a savage beauty and as equally capable of violent destruction as her male counterpart. If confronted by a vicious predatory animal such as a bear or a wolf, would you be less frightened based on if they were male or female? Unfortunately, human beings are a bit behind the times in that regard.

As a professional MMA fighter and BJJ brown belt, I am well aware that what I do for a career isn’t labeled as overtly feminine. It comes as no surprise that someone in my position would strive to achieve an athletic build and work on adding muscles to their physique. While this may “masculinize” my features, it sure as hell benefits me in the cage and on the mats and I have no qualms with the way I look. It probably helps that I have a partner who reminds me every day how beautiful he thinks I am, but I digress. Sure, my swollen knuckles, cauliflower ears, constant bruises, and calloused feet aren’t what one typically defines as pretty, but I’d rather be pretty badass any day of the week instead.

If confronted by a vicious predatory animal such as a bear or a wolf, would you be less frightened based on if they were male or female?

Learning to look in the mirror and be appreciative of the strong and capable woman staring back at me was definitely a learning process. We are bombarded across all platforms of social media with the most gorgeous of women day in and day out, and it’s hard not to want to compare what we see as our flaws with their stunning beauty. And while I may never resemble Naomi Campbell in a dress, I can choke out a 200 pound man with the finesse and elegance of any beauty queen on the catwalk. Some of us have goals to be an absolute 10 in an evening gown and face painted with exquisite makeup, some of us have goals to deadlift 3 times our body weight and have a black belt tied around our waist, and some of us have goals of achieving all of the above. There is no singular concept of what is the correct way to live our lives how the world deems acceptable of our particular gender.

There will always exist internet trolls and real life bullies who get their rocks off by trying to make people feel small. I will never let criticism effect me from people I wouldn’t ever dare to take advice from, and that’s facts. They can put on a gi or strap on a pair of gloves and see how ladylike I really am, or they can crawl back into the hole they emerged from with their tail tucked between their legs. I may be an atomweight in the cage, but I’m an ultra heavyweight in my heart and I will wear that badge of honor with the utmost pride.

I define my own femininity, and while do I enjoy dressing up for the rare special occasion, I will forever be more comfortable in sweatpants and a sports bra instead. To be honest, my body is often times too sore or pained to take the time to make myself more presentable in regards to being “sexy,” and not because I am trying to make some sort of statement. I’ve got the confidence of the most gargantuan BDE in existence and the chutzpah to keep saying it every chance I get. I am woman, now hear me roar.

So continue to call me ugly or tell me how much I look like a man, I’m cool with it. I’ve been small my whole life so to be perfectly honest, when someone comments in a way that sounds like intimidation of my muscles, I’m ecstatic. I’m not trying to win the approval of countless admirers for what I look like, but more for what my heart conveys and my athletic accomplishments. I wish I could tell the younger version of myself to keep my head held high and radiate the beauty from within my soul. Nature will always prevail and what is meant to be will be. The lioness will continue to hunt, the bear will continue to climb, and this wolf will continue her reign.

Samantha Schell

The “Wolf Queen” is a BJJ black belt under team Rubao Carioca at Schell Shock BJJ in Fuquay Varina, NC. She’s a professional atomweight MMA figher and writes a weekly blog: WolfQueenMMA.com. In her spare time she enjoys cooking and baking. Reach her via DM on Instagram: @wolfqueenmma