You Don’t Suck at Jiu-Jitsu

by Patrish Murphy

I have said it to myself too. In the throws of trying to catch my breath after a roll where I was dominated, while I couldn’t pick up the drill we were going over, and even before class began. “You suck at Jiu-Jitsu.” I’d repeat this phrase in my mind for a while. That ity bitty shitty committee that lives inside your head can be so loud and overbearing. But I promise you don’t suck at Jiu-Jitsu, it’s just really hard.

The day I decided to stop telling myself “you suck” was one day when I watched my daughter begin to try to walk. She would struggle to stand up, sway back and forth like a wind dancer in a storm, take two steps and fall. She’d giggle and then try again. Making a face of sheer concentration and determination. The same thing would happen, a few steps, then boom on the ground. But she kept trying, kept moving, and wouldn’t give up. Those two steps became three which turned into four. Now, she is cruising all over the place. I realized then that I wouldn’t tell her she sucks at walking. She’s a baby! Just learning. If I can smile softly as I watch her try a new skill, cheer her on when she progresses, and be proud of her for her resilience why can’t I show myself the same grace with Jiu-Jitsu?

Listen, most of us did not start this art as children. I know I didn’t come onto the mats until I was twenty-eight. Most people I see come into the gym to start are in their twenties, thirties, and up. A lot of us have no experience. Yet, we come in complete beginners and scold ourselves when we don’t pick up the moves right away. As a society, we strive for perfection in everything. Think about it, when a five-year-old starts a sport, some parents are already wondering if they will get a scholarship for college. If you weren’t the “best” at an activity it was usually given up so you could trudge to find what you excel in. It’s only normal we would judge our inability to execute this new hobby. It’s been ingrained in us to always be the best. But I invite you to drop “I suck at Jiu Jitsu” from your mind. Leave what society has told you at the door and simply allow yourself to be a beginner.

I promise the higher belts on the mats are not judging you at all, they aren’t smirking as you fumble over yourself, aren’t wondering why you haven’t progressed by your fifth class, and aren’t curious as to why you thought you could do this. They are elated that you are there! Do you know why? BECAUSE THEY WERE BEGINNERS ONCE! That black belt wore a white belt. They were just as confused as you are. Your Professor who is a world champion with more degrees on their belt than you can count WAS A WHITE BELT! Don’t let your fear of judgment feed the “I suck”. If you don’t feel supported by higher belts, I highly suggest you find another gym.

It’s been ingrained in us to always be the best. But I invite you to drop “I suck at Jiu Jitsu” from your mind. Leave what society has told you at the door and simply allow yourself to be a beginner.

While we are on the topic of removing “I suck” from your vocabulary there is one more thing I need you to do that will help crush this statement. Stop comparing yourself to your training partners. Sure, I have training partners I measure my skill set against, but I am not comparing myself to them. If they are getting better that means I am as well. We are all on our own journey through this sport. Some start sooner than others, some people train more often, some people are just more athletic, some are moms, some are single, some have families ect. We are all individuals with our own stories so all our Jiu-Jitsu will look different. You are blocking your brain from picking up movements if you’re too busy wondering why she is better than you. Remember, comparison is the theft of joy.

You do not suck at Jiu-Jitsu. It’s just really hard. You are brilliant for deciding to learn something new. Allow yourself to be a beginner fully, look up to higher belts, and don’t compare. Stop telling yourself you suck because you rock. You got this! Oss!

Patrish Murphy

Patrish Murphy is a blue belt who trains out of Soca BJJ under legendary Alexandre “Soca” Freitas and Professora Samantha Freitas. Patrish is a part of the R1NG team that competes in IBJJF tournaments. She holds a bachelor’s degree in English from SUNY Old Westbury. Patrish has three young children a five-year-old boy and her twin girls who are one. She hopes, through writing, to inspire other women to continue their journey through Jiu-Jitsu, competing, and motherhood. Email