Torrie O’neil, Big Girl, Big Heart

Story by Evelyn Sutton. Photos supplied by Torrie O’neil

Born out of a need for more training partners of similar body type, The Mighty Dames, an organization founded by Torrie O’neil is dedicated to support heavyweight and super heavyweight women in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Although the organization primarily caters to big girls, The Dames welcome women of all shapes and sizes who are passionate for the sport and looking for community. In this fun interview, O’neil talks about their mission and how you too can be mighty.

JM: How did you get started and why Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu?
TO: I actually had no interest in Jiu-Jitsu. What I really wanted was to get into wrestling. Growing up in the 90’s, I was a huge pro wrestling fan, WWE was so awesome to me and I had my heart broken when I found out it was all fake and scripted. But then someone told me there was a real version of it, so I started watching collegiate freestyle wrestling and I thought, ‘okay maybe I can get into something like this’. I went to school and after I graduated from grad school I moved back into the town I live in now and started looking for a school to try wrestling. I’m in Florida and of course there’s barely any wrestling around here. But then I met my coach, Brian Ruscio, he owns Grappling Mastery in Eustis, Florida. He moved down from NY and was a lifelong wrestler who had gotten into Jiu-Jitsu. He invited me to check out his gym and he promised me there would be wrestling. I tried out a kickboxing class, a Jiu-Jitsu class, and he threw some wrestling in there. As it turns out, I really took to Jiu-Jitsu. I was like, “yeah, I think I can do this Jiu-Jitsu thing”. And now, seven years later, I’m still doing Jiu-Jitsu.

JM: How has Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu affected your life as a woman?
TO:I would say that the biggest thing Jiu-Jitsu did for me was give me a sense of body confidence. I’m a big girl. I’m 6’1, I fluctuate between 250-300 lbs any given day, I’m a sturdy individual. I was always very uncomfortable with my body and putting my body on display even if I was just wearing shorts or tank tops. I felt very awkward growing up. When I got into Jiu-Jitsu, I realized that you don’t really have time to feel awkward. After about six months of training, I started to feel more comfortable and realized that nobody was looking at my body or judging me, no one really cares. If anything, people were impressed to see me training and that I could really use my body in a positive way. That’s something my coaches implemented in me. Mostly Brian, and Rita Rojas. She’s been my training partner for years, she’s five foot nothing and she would never let me feel down about myself. She always told me that I can use my body and that is such a great thing. Overall, Jiu-Jitsu made me feel better about who I am and showed me that my body in its current state can do so much, beyond looking a certain way, it’s a functional body.

JM: At which stage did you realize that you could use your body type for your benefit in Jiu-Jitsu, instead of trying to change it?
TO: After I got my blue belt, I was hyped. I had been competing since white belt but at blue is when I realized that when you’re a super heavy competitor, that’s when people start dropping off or losing weight so your competition window begins to close. Since I wasn’t going to be competing as much anymore, I started thinking about what else I could do with Jiu-Jitsu beyond competitions. That’s when I thought it would be cool to expand, travel to train with other girls, meet other Jiujiteiras, listen to their stories and find out different ways I could be involved in the sport. My body can do great things but there’s so much more I can do that has a bigger impact within the Jiu-Jitsu community.

JM: Is this when the idea of The Mighty Dames happened?
TO: Honestly, I always say that I didn’t mean to start The Mighty Dames. The Mighty Dames started because I was really, really pissed off that I couldn’t find a competition. I’ve been training hard, telling myself “I am going to be the next world champion”, I was so convinced I needed to compete. And when you go to some of these competitions, if they don’t offer pre-registration, you just show up and hope for the best. And here I am, walking in, 6’1, 240lbs and I wouldn’t get matches. I was really upset so I wrote a blog, “The Plight of the Big Girl”, where I laid out the issues I had come across being a bigger woman in the sport. I was really just complaining but I ended up receiving such a great response from fellow heavies, I wanted to create a space to continue the conversation. I started a Facebook group “The Mighty Dames: Big Girl BJJ Crew” in 2017 with the hope of connecting female heavies from all over the world to get support and answers on how they were overcoming these issues. People started joining the group, sharing stories, bringing more women and it just grew into this wonderful community. I’m thankful they didn’t let me quit, because I tried to quit like four times, but they kept me motivated. That’s really how it started, out of frustration.

“Any woman can be a Mighty Dame. We will help you throughout your Jiu-Jitsu journey and we will be your biggest cheerleaders!”

JM: Are your members based in the US?
TO: Our members are all over the world! We have Mighty Dames throughout the US, we have a good little group that is growing in Canada, we have some girls out in Australia. It’s so rewarding to see something I created – I don’t even like saying that I created it – I just happened to open a door and everyone else created it. I started the conversation and brought it to a space but I didn’t realize how many people just wanted someone to listen to them, someone who understands what it’s like to be the only person that looks a certain way and not being able to find anyone else who looks like you in a year of training, so having a community like this is amazing.

JM: How can women get involved and become part of The Mighty Dames?
TO: To get involved, all you have to do is join our Facebook page. We only have two rules: 1. You must be a female, and that’s any form of female, if you are trans, sis or non binary you are welcome to our group. 2. You must keep it positive. We’re not here to rag on competitors or rag on the skinny girls. If you are a female with a positive mentality and you are seeking community, you can join us. We have girls of varying sizes. We cater the content more towards the big girls, heavyweights and beyond, but our group is really about positive body image, confidence, self-esteem, and self-care. Any woman can be a Mighty Dame. We will help you throughout your Jiu-Jitsu journey and we will be your biggest cheerleaders!

JM: What are some of your hopes and dreams for The Mighty Dames and for the future of women in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu?
TO: Most of us just want more recognition in general for women because with recognition, everything else follows. When you have representation then the money comes and when the money comes then you have more people who are interested in the sport. Athletes need support, female athletes need support and you never know who is going to take the sport to the next level, be the next great, gain notoriety, bring more attention to Jiu-Jitsu, and create a viable path for others to follow. I joke and say that I don’t need The Mighty Dames to be the next global Jiu-Jitsu brand, that would be super dope but what I do want is for The Mighty Dames to continue to steadily make improvements within communities that need it. I want us to be able to help the women who need the group. I hear stories from members who had been training for a while and were feeling disappointed and wanted to quit but then they found us, found community and felt reinvigorated in their Jiu-Jitsu journey. I spoke to young kids, who are now teenagers and have been following the group this whole time. It blows my mind that we can be a consistent positive force in Jiu-Jitsu, a place where people can receive support, encouragement, and get community feedback without fear of being judged.

JM: Tell us about your camps. What’s it like to attend a Mighty Dames camp?
TO: Our first camp was last year and we partnered up with Roll Model Grappling Camp. This time around, we felt confident that we could run the camp by ourselves at my home gym in Eustis, Florida. After being to several open mats and camps, I had a good idea of what I wanted our camp to be like. I wanted it to be a camp that was run by and where all the instructors were fellow heavyweights, and I also wanted the camp to be a Jiu-Jitsu community enrichment camp that included elements outside of Jiu-Jitsu because like we said before, Jiu-Jitsu is so much more than what you do on the mat, it’s the mentality you bring to the mat, it’s the belief in yourself that you bring to the mat. We have several incredible instructors: Melisa Lohsen (Jiu-Jitsu), Erin Harpe (Jiu-Jitsu), Kola Shippentower (Personal Safety & Self Defense) Rita Rojas (Kickboxing Instructor), Torrie O’neil (Takedown & Comp Tactics), Xiomara Davis (Workshop Instructor) and Cristina Andrade (Yoga). We have a lot of good stuff planned for the camp, and since we are in the South, we will be having a cookout! The camp will definitely be Jiu-Jitsu heavy but we will also be expanding into other topics that make sense. It’s hard enough to get 4 heavyweight women on the mats at the same time, we are trying to get 40, and create an environment where the women come in and see that we actually exist! The main goal is to be able to train with similar bodies and have a lot of fun. The camp takes place August 26-28 and you can register on our website:
themightydames.com/damecamp

“No one wants to be the big girl with their butt half out. We don’t want that! That fear is always in the back of our minds: “I can’t be the butt crack girl”.

JM: As far as technique goes, will you be addressing specific topics relevant to heavyweights during camp?
TO: Absolutely. In general what we think about heavyweights is that we are top players. We’re not usually on our backs, so when we end up being on our backs, we don’t know exactly what to do. So, that’s something we plan on addressing. Melissa Lohsen will be teaching pressure passing techniques, and I’ll be teaching Takedowns and Competition Tactics. My Jiu-Jitsu got so much better once I learned that I can dictate when we go to the mats, meaning takedowns are important. With heavyweights, sometimes what happens at the beginning of a match is that you get two big girls just pushing at it each other. What I will be teaching are takedowns that tend to work well for super heavies at different heights. For instance, I’m 6’1, so hip tosses are going to be easier for me than for someone who is 5’6 and they’re going against someone taller than them. We will be covering these kinds of specific topics. And then for those who want to compete, we will be discussing important things such as how you can facilitate constant motion on the mats, so you don’t get stopped. We will also be taking requests, similar to how we do it in our series, Rolling While Heavy, where we break down techniques for bigger girls and take requests on what people want to learn more about.

JM: For all woman in Jiu-Jitsu, it’s not always easy to find the perfect gi size and fit, so I imagine this is a question that comes up often in The Mighty Dames group?
TO:That is a question that comes up a lot. For almost a year now, we’ve been collecting information from women on the different gis that they wear, how it fits them, with information on weight size, bra size, height and we have put together a comprehensive list of suitable gis available in the market. You can find that perfect gi for you, and then it disappears. It’s sold out, discontinued or something happens to it. This list is a great resource for women of all shapes and sizes who train Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. Three days before camp last year I had an injury, I completely destroyed my knee and ankle and the paramedics had to cut my favorite gi pants off. I still have the gi pants, like a fabric of a memory I look at, it’s so sad. They had to cut it from my ankle all the way up to my hip to get access to my leg. I was crying the entire time, “please don’t cut my pants. You don’t understand, this is my favorite gi”. We know how important it is to have the right gi. And that goes back to feeling comfortable in your body. When you are a bigger girl and you have ill-fitting clothing, it can make you want to quit. I’ve had girls tell me they quit Jiu-Jitsu because they couldn’t find a gi that fit them properly. That seems like such a superficial reason to leave a sport that you love because you can’t find clothing. But the reality is, I can’t blame them because I’ve been there before. Between finding gi brands that work, making our own rashguards, and offering a huge range of sizes, something as simple as having a rashguard that comes all the way down to your stomach, and a pair of pants that you don’t have to constantly pull up, can change your mentality because you are not focused on, “is my butt showing?”, you are able to focus purely on Jiu-Jitsu. No one wants to be the big girl with their butt half out. You’ve all been to competitions and seen the dudes who are rolling and they didn’t put proper compression shorts on and their butts are on the display. We don’t want that! That fear is always in the back of our minds: “I can’t be the butt crack girl”.

JM: Tell us about Affirm and Amplify.
TO: Affirm and Amplify is a micro brand within the Mighty Dames organization with an advocacy mission to help bring attention to underserved communities and causes. For instance, the first one we did was Black Lives Matter and the second one was for MMIW which stands for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women. We design and sell rashguards to support these causes with 25% of the profits going directly to help fund their projects. Some other nonprofits we support are Rising Hearts, Darling Diamonds that works with young women in the community teaching them life skills, Zebra Coalition in Orlando that provides housing and support to LGBTQ+ youth. You purchase one of our rashguards that supports these organizations and it’s more than just a rashguard, it’s a conversation starter that helps bring to light some of these issues and get more people involved.

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